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Little Voices

                                                                  
   “Little voices singing to me all day long
    Singing me beautiful songs of impending doom
    Singing me along to death;
    Beautiful tones of a thousand insecurities”
    VEE

They are always there, those voices; the ones that tell you the girl laughing across the room with her friends is laughing at you, the ones that tell you to slit your wrists because no one would care enough to notice anyway. It’s been long since I posted anything on this blog and it’s because of them. It’s really loud in here and they kept telling me no one would like whatever I write and I listened, I always listen to them, to whatever they have to say; when I stand in front of the mirror and tug at my extra skin, or when I attempt to answer a question, or when I fall in love.


And I know I’m not alone. Well, a lot of other people don’t get it, sometimes they say we’re needy or we just want attention and when we get distant, they get mad and say we’re grumpy for no reason. So, you let them believe whatever because how best can you explain seeing things that are not there and feeling you’ll never be good enough.


The sad part is you try to shut them out with music, therapy, daily affirmations and all but they never really go away. You’ll feel good for a while when you listen to something like Bird set free by Sia but it all  comes running back when you listen to Everything I wanted or Listen before I go by Billie. Dealing with mental illness is almost the same thing as being handicapped or blind but people don’t acknowledge that because it’s not something they can see.


The thing is I’m not here to tell you how to deal with it because I also don’t know how to. I’m as stuck as you are and if I knew how to, I’d be screaming it on the roof tops by now. The essence of this post is to let you know you’re not alone and you’re definitely not crazy. And to others who are not suffering from mental illnesses, the least you can do is to be kind, know when to talk and when to listen. And, also, try to understand that we’re trying to bring ourselves out of this mess. It’s not easy but we are really trying. Be kind and enjoy the rest of your week!

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