Skip to main content

LETTING GO FINALLY

This is something I’ve been struggling to admit and accept for a very long time. Letting go is one art I’ve not mastered. You know it’s exciting when you meet this one person that brightens up your day, makes you feel like a person, that person that completes you. And when you meet them, it’s like your world has changed, your entire life revolves around them and your pheromones just click! 

So you start drafting plans of how the two of you will get married, how nice their last name goes with yours, how you’ll get two cats, three dogs, move in together in the countryside and live the stereotypical couples life. Everything seems perfect and you seem okay and happy. And while you are enjoying all the bliss of being in a relationship, they break up with you for some surreal reasons and you feel alone. For the first time in your life, you are actually alone and you start to wonder what went wrong; you start to feel that you weren’t good enough so you try again to make it work. You stick around and you’re always there when they need someone to hold during doctor’s appointments, you’re always there for their sick dog that has vertigo. You keep hoping that maybe they’ll interpret all your acts of kindness as love again but I tell you, they won’t. 


The truth is you’re still hanging on to them because you’re scared of being alone. Until you realize that being alone will make find yourself again, you won’t stop holding on to them. You know, most times we use love as an act of escapism to not think about our past and to not really feel anything. I mean, how would you think about how sad you are when you have someone whose thoughts cloud your mind every single moment of the day. You hide yourself in the chaos of love and lie to yourself that you have to love with some madness. 

But sometimes, you need to know it’s okay to put your love down and concentrate on yourself. You need to stop trying to be something you’re not so that the person you love is comfortable. And you also need to let go of the need to be perfect, no one is, even love is not perfect, so stop it! Stop holding on to empty promises and things like ‘Not yet’. Trust me, it’s not going to be easy but it’s going to be so worth it when you eventually find yourself. I hope you learn to finally love yourself and your aloneness. 

Comments

  1. UnknownJuly 28, 2020 at 8:03 AM

    Pure bliss, letting go and learning to love yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownJuly 28, 2020 at 8:14 AM

    This is so true but it's not only when someone breaks up with you. You may be the one who initiated the break up but you keep sticking around saying you are sorry and wanting to come back. It's not because you are trying to play the person but you can't just let go. You're scared of that lonely life you had before you met that person but you know deep down it's not working. Till you let go and realize it's okay to be alone, you'll seem like a player.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJuly 30, 2020 at 1:50 PM

    Awnn nice one

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

LET’S TALK ABOUT BEING DIFFERENT

Being different springs from subtle things; it might be wanting to eat your hotdog with ketchup instead of the traditional mustard, it might be wanting to stay indoors to binge watch a Netflix series instead of going for a girls’ night, it might be wanting to play chess with your old neighbor when your friends go out to bar to check out hot girls, it could also be wanting to read really dark books instead of the “Billionaire boss romance collection” Staying different is a very hard thing in this world that glorifies normalcy. You have to try once in a while to explain why you read those books or why you listen to those songs or why you’d rather be alone, but no matter how hard you try to explain, they just don’t get it. Being weird and crazy and eccentric is all fun until you start getting left out, your friends stop calling you out even to your favorite shows because you’d rather show up with baggies and hoodies than strapless flashy blue gowns. You start asking yourself questions...
6 comments
Read more

Against the Patriarchy

It is really sad that the average womxn has to spend most of her life pleasing others and she is not expected to take credit for this in any way. For centuries now, men and even boys have been given the upper hand while womxn are continuously treated like minorities. They are constantly taught shame and made to feel guilty for the body they didn't even ask for in the first place. So they tell them to wear clothes that cover them all over while men are allowed to shamelessly walk around in their boxer shorts. Womxn are told that having sexual desires equals being slutty but fathers keep buying condoms for their sons on the basis of "boys will be boys".  The entirety of the life of a womxn is planned and directed towards being a good wife and a good daughter in-law. Basic life skills are accustomed to a particular gender and the average man grows up to be entitled, needy and dependent because he has been told that it's only a womxn duty to do all the cooking and cleanin...
2 comments
Read more

GROWING UP WITHOUT LOVE

There is always a vacuum in all of our hearts that we wish could be filled with the presence of someone or even people. And most times we wish that this space could be filled by our parents or by our siblings. This is not something we really experience as African kids especially teenagers. We seek comfort in the arms of strangers and we look for love in empty spaces because our parents don’t show us that. As a child, I didn’t know much about family bonds because no one showed me how it was meant to be. I got gifts; there was always a fancy dress for Christmas and nice shoes for my birthday. But, there was no connection whatsoever. Acting like a teenager is not something that is allowed in an African home. We are not told that we are good enough or that we can express our anger and fear. And so, as we enter our teenage years, we start to draw back, we start to put strains in the relationships we have with our parents most especially. Also, because we are not told that we are important...
17 comments
Read more