GROWING UP WITHOUT LOVE

There is always a vacuum in all of our hearts that we wish could be filled with the presence of someone or even people. And most times we wish that this space could be filled by our parents or by our siblings. This is not something we really experience as African kids especially teenagers. We seek comfort in the arms of strangers and we look for love in empty spaces because our parents don’t show us that. As a child, I didn’t know much about family bonds because no one showed me how it was meant to be. I got gifts; there was always a fancy dress for Christmas and nice shoes for my birthday. But, there was no connection whatsoever. Acting like a teenager is not something that is allowed in an African home. We are not told that we are good enough or that we can express our anger and fear. And so, as we enter our teenage years, we start to draw back, we start to put strains in the relationships we have with our parents most especially.

Also, because we are not told that we are important and we don’t have to question our worth, we tend to seek confirmation from people we don’t even know and we allow what they say get to us. Their thoughts about us get into our heads and we can’t get them out because it took years to build our low self-esteem. Growing up without love affects our mental health but unfortunately, there is no way for us to correct this. We are Africans, we are not allowed to stand up to our parents and tell them how their actions affect us. To know that you care is not enough, but to tell us you love us make us feel safe and wanted by the ones we grew up with. We want parents that we can hug and tell about the bad days we had in schools and the nights we cried ourselves to sleep, we want parents that wouldn’t slap us when we tell them about the girl we are crushing on in our literature class. We just want love from them before we move out and never come back.